In our interconnected world, relationships are at the core of our daily lives. Whether it’s our family, friends, colleagues, or even caregivers and clients, the time and energy we invest in others and receive back profoundly impacts our well-being. Sometimes this flow feels natural and balanced, and other times we feel overextended or disconnected. But what if we could become more intentional about this exchange? What if we could take small but meaningful steps to protect our energy and nurture healthier, more fulfilling relationships?
That’s exactly what Shape Our Village is about—collaborating, reflecting, and making intentional choices that intentionally shape thriving families and communities through supportive, balanced relationships. Using principles of Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA), we can explore how awareness of the exchange of time and energy plays a role in creating sustainable support systems.
Why Awareness of Energy Balance Matters
Just as ABA relies on observing behavior patterns and making data-driven adjustments, balancing energy in relationships begins with observation and reflection. Recognizing where we are investing our emotional, mental, and physical time and energy allows us to make conscious decisions about where that energy is best placed.
Without awareness, we risk overextending ourselves, leading to burnout, resentment, or one-sided relationships. On the flip side, if we underinvest in important relationships, they may wither or create feelings of guilt. Awareness is key to achieving the balance necessary for thriving connections.
The Three Categories of Energy Exchange
Our Balancing the Energy Exchange Worksheet helps break down relationships into three categories:
1. I Meet Them Where They Meet Me 🤝
These are the relationships where the give-and-take feels even. You and the other person mutually contribute time, effort, and emotional investment. In Shape Our Village, we recognize these relationships as vital to creating a foundation of stability. In ABA terms, this could be seen as the result of consistent reinforcement on both sides, leading to an equilibrium that promotes long-term success.
Reflection: Are these relationships fulfilling, neutral, or stagnant? Is this balance something you are actively maintaining or is it happening naturally?
2. I Go Over and Above 🌟
In this category, you are giving more than you are receiving. You might be offering more emotional support, time, or effort without the same level of investment in return. While some imbalance is normal, prolonged overextension can lead to emotional exhaustion.
Within Shape Our Village and ABA practices, we understand that sometimes caregivers and BCBAs give more when supporting clients. This is often necessary but should be recognized so intentional adjustments can be made to avoid burnout. The nature of these relationships may require you to give more during certain periods, but by becoming aware of this, you can examine other areas of your life to ensure you’re not overextending. This reflection can help you balance giving in one area by pulling back in others, guarding your overall energy.
Reflection: Why do you feel you are giving more in these relationships? Is this extra effort sustainable, or do you need boundaries or reinforcements to protect your well-being?
3. I Am Giving Less Than I’m Getting 🪫
In these relationships, the other person is contributing more than you currently are. This could be temporary, like when you’re going through a difficult time and need additional support, or it could be a sign of neglect.
Understanding this dynamic through an ABA lens means recognizing when the reinforcement is one-sided and when a shift in behavior is necessary to restore balance. Shape Our Village highlights the importance of mutual investment, whether through caregiver training or family collaboration.
Reflection: What is causing you to give less? Is it a temporary need for support, or is this a long-term dynamic that requires change?
Acknowledge the Necessity of Imbalance
In any relationship, there will be moments where imbalance is not only expected but necessary. Caregivers may need to provide extra support to children, or friends may lean on each other during hard times. The goal is not to maintain perfect balance but to gain awareness of when imbalance occurs and ensure it is intentional.
As we teach in Shape Our Village, ABA concepts like reinforcement schedules show us that not all reinforcement needs to be equal, but it should be meaningful and sustainable. Imbalance should be purposeful, not accidental.
Using Awareness to Make Intentional Shifts
Once you’ve categorized your relationships, take action:
Maintain balance: For relationships where you meet each other equally, consider what is working and how to continue that pattern.
Adjust where needed: For relationships where you are overextending, reflect on boundaries or support systems that can help restore balance.
Reinvest when appropriate: In relationships where you are giving less, consider whether this dynamic needs adjustment or if temporary support is being received appropriately.
By applying these steps, you can protect your energy while strengthening the relationships that matter most.
Final Thoughts: Building Stronger Villages
At Shape Our Village, we understand that relationships evolve, and so does the balance of energy within them. Just as ABA emphasizes individualized support plans, balancing energy is about recognizing what you and your relationships need at any given time. The key is intentionality—making conscious choices about where to place your energy so you can thrive without feeling drained.
Start your journey with awareness, reflect on the dynamics within your relationships, and make shifts that nurture growth and support. Together, we can create thriving, supportive communities where everyone’s energy is valued.
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